For the Last 27 days I have been conducting an experiment.


I am abstaining from alcohol. I found myself in this daily cycle, this daily habit of drinking. I would call myself a moderate drinker. I liked my glass or two (sometimes 3) glasses of wine most days of the week. It took the edge off my busy day. I never felt drunk or out of control, I did not drink everyday, I can not remember the last time I was hungover, and I have never hit rock bottom. But, I was drinking enough. Enough to be woken up at night and curse the extra glass of wine I had the evening before. Enough to experience reflux, and enough to not feel great overall about my alcohol intake.


I recently completed the book This Naked Mind by Annie Grace. Her words made sense to me. Her book was the motivation to complete this lifestyle experiment. In her book, she makes a reference to a fly and a pitcher plant. If you have ever seen how a pitcher plant catches its prey;the pitcher plant lures the fly by the nectar it makes. Ultimately, the fly finds itself on the edge trying to get the nectar. The fly either falls in and dies or escapes by the tip of their wings. The point of her metaphor is how easy it is to slip from having control to not. Completing her book lead to other books about sobriety and alcohol abuse or misuse. The biggest surprise to me is all of the authors who shared their stories were all highly successful and functional people. I have come to learn that most alcohol abusers are successful and motivated people.


I have stopped drinking several times before for different reasons. I have stopped drinking for pregnancy, completing a Whole 30, and recovering from surgery to name a few. This experiment has felt different. The previous times I stopped drinking I was motivated by something else like weight loss, the health of my child, and let my body heal. And during those times where I did not drink, my focus was primarily on my motivation. This time I want to see what life is without alcohol in it. Just for giggles, what kind of difference would it make?


So far, this has been an eyeopening experiment. Alcohol has been a big part of my life. I grew up surrounded by alcohol. My father who was a alcoholic, he was mostly functional, so he said. Over his life he became less functional, but that is a story for another time. I was a school aged kid in the 80's, everyone drank, smoked cigarettes, and enjoyed life when ever they could. Drinking in high school is what we did. College was no different, lots of parties and alcohol. I was a college athelete,the hazing was real and involved heavy drinking. The party has continued into my adult life with drinks to celebrate anything, to help you be a mom, and to end a stressful day at work. And I do love my Sunday Margarita's at Anita's. They make my week and my weekend.


I wanted to know what life would be like if I removed the alcohol element of my life. Removing the alcohol is what has been eyeopening these last 27 days.


What I have learned so far:

I sleep WAY better! no waking up due to being hot, anxious, or to review my actions of the evening before.

My skin looks better.

I have less anxiety.

Parties are just as fun without being buzzed or drunk. I remember conversations and what I said. I am more present. This was the most eyeopening thing for me so far.

I like not having headaches in the morning.

I don't have to worry about driving.

There are more and it's crazy to me I did not notice it before. This experiment has forced me to pay more attention.


The things I miss:

I miss wine and margaritas. That is all. I genuinely love the taste of both.


Things I don't miss:

The anxiety of trying to decide if I am drinking tonight, is it to late to drink? how much should I drink? can I have just one? I do not miss the circular thoughts that I had most days.

I do not miss the habit of drinking

I do not miss the side effects of alcohol.


Where am I going from here?

I don't know. I am not sure if I am ready for sobriety if I am being honest. I am going to go with the things I know and have learned after I reach the 30 day mark. I now know where I could have 1 drink and where I can't. I know I no longer want to be a daily drinker. If I go back to drinking alcohol and find myself in the circle I did before, I do know it will be more beneficial for me not to drink at all. I have learned a lot and feel pretty fucking good these days. I am also very nervous to start all over if I need to. I will take it day by day, and maybe I will turn 30 days into 60 or 90. I am flirting with sobriety. I will keep you updated where I land.


I do hope if you are reading this you find this helpful. Maybe you have felt the same? or not. Maybe you are sober curious too?


surfing on the strand

Roller skating