May is for the Mammas...
I truly meant to post on Mother's Day, but being knocked down with strep throat has had me laying next to my oldest who also has strep throat for most of the week. Thank you to the classmates of my kid who shared the love of strep throat. My oldest daughter rambled off the names of the kids in her class who were sent home last week as we were leaving urgent care the other evening. And this week, we have had the pleasure of the sensation of swallowing glass accompanied by body aches and fever. Not my ideal way to spend Mother's Day or this week for that matter. But it is part of motherhood. It is a nonstop position with no sick days.
I love to read. My favorite author right now is Cheryl Strayed. I watched the series Tiny Beautiful Things and was taken by the letters in the series. As soon as I finished the series I hopped on Amazon and bought the book. When I received the book I immediately dove into the book of Tiny Beautiful Things. It is a book about a time when the the author was writing an advice column and went by the pen name Sugar. The book is a selection of the requests for advice and the responses that became the series. There is one letter seeking advice about how to be a successful writer. The writer seeking advice was feeling frustrated she had not yet had her big break. Sugar's advice was to write like a mother&*^%er. Sugar went on to elaborate to include no matter what you do in life, do it like a Mother&%$#er!
Which brings me to being a Mom. No matter how your child was placed in your arms; motherhood is very separate than pregnancy. Growing a baby is one thing. Mothering a baby,chasing a toddler, raising children, and guiding them into the functional adults they will become is entirely another. Pregnancy can be hard, it was hard for me, but I find the second part much harder. I am not saying I do not love being a mother. I do. It is the hardest job I have ever loved. It is a thankless job. It is a job that you cannot clock out of. It is a job where you constantly question if you did things right. We question if your words or actions made a difference and scarred their little egos for life. We question if we are doing enough, are we there to much or to little? And the mommy guilt. And the judgement on all topics from other moms, your parents, strangers, your doctor, and that little old lady in the grocery store. It is job where you fall into bed from exhaustion when they are little and worry with anxiety when they were older.
But, there are moments of joy. The sound of baby laughter makes my ovaries hurt to this day. Having your first real heart to heart talk with your child, and seeing them as they are. Watching your child overcome hardship. These feelings make your heart burst and makes it all worth it. I had no idea how my heart would open when I became a mother. But there are days where I feel like a failure. I feel overstimulated. I feel like escaping to an island where I can just be me alone with a good book and a margarita. Being a mother is hard. Some days every ounce of energy is drained out of your mind and body. Some days you are sick as shit and you still have to make breakfast and keep your kiddos alive. Some of us have partners to help, some of us have partners that do not help or can not help for whatever reason, and some of us are doing this thing alone. But we do it. We do it because we love our kids. I have never loved anyone so much. I would take a bullet for any of my children, no questions asked. I know many of you feel this way too. So moms, keep doing what you do. You are doing better than you think. There is a whole village of us out here. You are not alone. Your kids see you. They know you love them, and they love you more than you know. Even when they are a$$holes. Keep doing your thing. Keep going everyday. Even if some days you are taking it hour by hour. Keep pushing your kids to be the best they can be. Keep motivating yourself to be the best you can be. You may need rest at times, take it. That is what drive through or frozen chicken nuggets are for. And if no one remembers to get you flowers or a gift. Get your own flowers. And Mom it like a Mother&*%$er!!



